ok.. i admit! i dont know what's running in my mind at this very point of time :s

sigh-

time's pasing real fast!

things are really fine.. just need to get back to my oldself. times when i reflect frequently. thinking about every possible stuff. now, my future is at stake! and it seems as though i'm not doing anything to it.. sigh , whole life wasted. i better get things right. do it once and do it right. there's no1 to blame. things wun get going if you do a thing to move it. i'll motivate myself to move on well. its for the sake of my future. i prefer the old me for certain stuff yet i want to rerase my past.shouldnt have given up back then.. now i'll make do with what i have and improve .

i cant upload pictures :s

I told you im getting fatter. I don’t know, somehow I felt that that layer of fat is building up, or why I not say “ I know its building up” I need to stay focus and keep all temptation away! Seriously, im unsure what my mind is on. I just feel sian. Everything I eat, or want to eat make me fat. sometimes I don’t see the substantial increase in weight but my clothes and mirror tell me that I’m growing fatter. Oh god! My face is getting rounder and I want to revert back to my old self. Ok this is bad and I know I will fail to revert back. Shall rectify my eating plan and resist all temptations. That shall include my fav. Anpan. Sigh.

alright. i'm finally done with my FYP report. its 60.9MB and i cant send it out by mail.

i deleberately skip data for FTIR, will see what the advisors comment on. now i'm off to bed. gotta be up the next 2 hours for gym.

i know i've done wrong once again. i'll stop sayin all sutff that makes u think i might be suffering from ED or might be one. but i need time to change i guess. cause i really fear that i will be fat again. ok, i admit that i always have plans to be anorexic ( at least once). but its the past. i just wanting to be more cautious about the stuff i'm consuming and this sound bad. you dont want me to be like your past or your fren, i know. you want me to have ample rest and eat well but im not doing it. i will eat after gym, i'm just being honest on what im eating and stuff. i dowan to lie straight in your face, no purpose in doing that.

give me time to adjust my perspective towards food. i begin to realise that i get pissed at certain stuff. alrdy tryin to "chill and cool down" i need time. you fats are like monsters. they're in you, they dont die, they jus hibernate. so yea. as long as i'm not emaciated i'm fine. really no big worry. as much as i want to skip sch and do the things i want, i know i cant do that. i'm born with defect and not even smart but i'm living wit it. we're different but we're makin the best out of it, you know that.