time changes everything. im a changed person. but for good or bad is hard to tell.
when you realised certain stuff, you got to take actions and make a difference. or else guilt will befall.

it might be a moment thing but i hope its not.
recently i catched up with sec sch frens and there are more to come.
UTs,PPs,IGs,work,FRIENDS, time mgt is real important.

sorry for being busy always when you guys look for me.
i'll really try to acomodate to everybody. friends are real essential and i'l do my best to balance.

• to ppl i mingle less with: if mingle more
• to those i see always : pls dun think that im drifting from you guys soon.

acadamic

its module selection now, and i've yet to choose
i havethese to choose from immunology,maths,envir sci, anatomy, biochem,genetics. which is the best?

ps: changes do matters

its like stupid that i'm feeling this way. cux i dun feel like doing anything..
simply pure laziness.well its week 10. means 4 weeks to go!
yeap.. time past so fast and i've learnt much stuff.
learn how to be a good fren and learn to be a better person. how do you define better? cannot be identified! loL

people sae secondary school frens are those that you will be with. i think that i just did not tat the initiative to meet up with them. stupid right. wad a fren m i..


thanks partners, bitch and some others

ps: i hope its working :)

i'll do my part for sure..
life might be unpredicteable and it's isnt fair at times.
at the same time, decisions lies in your hands.

no worries, you'll always be a part of me (:
no matter wad happens. jus like what you always do when i really need someone.

ps: i love you

i want to shine like a chandelier...
its random, but yea... i feel that MC's songs are really i hereby highly rec. it!
somehow it will reflect girls' feelings. from lost of gramps,partner and love.
jus so heartfelt...


We said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you*

this might be stupid but im PMS-ing.
yea.. admit, my temper sucks and since monday. so sry to those.
but definitely not my team. like what the hell. before i left i told them to compile.
but when i'm back, no1 compile and im not inform. draggin it till about 1.40pm.

i ask and they say, i wil be the one to compile. (this is alrdy fuming)
but when i ask them to upload, they sae still got time . wtf! they upload it at 2.10pm
thinking that im some wonder woman, able to compile with a snap. are they insane? arrggghh-

today is physics UT2 and yea... not prepared.. but same goes with others. so hope there will not be any market spoiler. now having 3rd meeting and it's -__-

ps: are girls after 20 practical?

the first every kayak expedition :)
super fun , tanned, got lots of bites and yea.. learnt new stuff
well, j got sick right after everyth.. and i headed off to KL on the very nxt day ( friday the 13)

shopped, played, ate.. so far so good :)
din bought much for myself. on the other hand, bought for others !
hahaha.. now enjoying my fav, charlie and the choc factory..
tml is school and yea.. gotta mugg!! cux got a C for my chem UT2!

ps: i dreamt of you* again last nite..

updates for wednesday (4june)

it's the ladies nite(:

it's my first ladies night. finally we fulfil this wish!

down to MOS/cannery for drinks and of cux club. well, meet new frens (:

even entered lunar. a nice place for pics at the entrance but inside not our cup of tea. it's super china! hahaha... THE SPASTIC ESMOND is common ( according to him). even the one on wheelchair. as we entered lunar and the guys gotta wait for us outside! loL

it's MQ's and DEL.COM's first time and yeapp. they enjoyed! we had our routine jugssss and main arena was AWESOME~!(80s to present day music). THE GUYs did not take the fre tertiary thingy, they paid so as to have re-entry(:

club till lights on, took 6am train home... saved the cab fee.

friday night i dreamt of him. kinda stupid but it's not the first time.well, such stuff cant control. i might be stupid to not let it down but at least is something to hold on.

its like sunday and i've yet to balst mail for the damn expedition! so screwed! gotta do it like soon, before my captain screw me upside down! being in committee really kill at times! had thai xpress and haagen daz for dinner. and bought my gym rope finally! soon i'll convert a corner of my place into a mini gym ( impossible but do-able)

ps: reminsced

A moment of everything

Somehow or rather I feel that parents are just such nuisance. Do they really understand how their children feel? When they are at fault will apologize? Will they turn around and twist the fact saying you’re at fault? Why are parents like this? Just can’t seem to understand!
Tell me more about them den… there might be books teaching you more about how to woo people or how to live a better life. But are there books to teach how to be a better child or books teaching how to understand parents /children? Am I in the right line? Or have I cross the line? This is stupid.

Why must there be a difference between parents and friends? Sound ironical but why can’t we treat parents as friends? Why can’t siblings understand each other? Why can’t people just enjoy their life and stay out of trouble? Why things are always not what we wanted? Why is everything all out of control?

I might sound angry and pissed. But I do feel guilty, regretful and sucky now! I know I treat my siblings as dirt. I know I don’t seem to show respect at home. But whenever I tried to make a difference it never seems to work out. All this feelings sucks and maybe I can’t be rewrite. So what if I make an effort? This year so far I have not felt like this. But I can’t help it this time round. I can’t seem to control my emotions. Look in the archives, when is the last time I feel remorseful? When is the time I feel so bad n that *special feeling resurfaced? Now.

Are parent’s reactions a sign of partiality? Do they feel happy when I’m reprimanded? Do they felt a sense of satisfaction when I feel rotten and when parents are on their sides? When I treat my siblings a little better no one notices but when I speak to them in a different manner, the world will notice. Everyone thinks that I treat my family members like shit. But do they really understand? Do they really know what the real situation is?

So what if I’ve given the “unappreciative family member” impression to others, it’s just the cover of the book. But did other even read pick the book up and read? Or will they judge and label? When people ask me why I treat my siblings like this, I can barely answer. Because what I explained will be rebutted. And it’s obvious that I lost in the conversation. But in some case, some stuff are not meant to be said, shared or even mentioned.

Everybody have their own set of written stories and it differs even though we’re all humans. Doesn’t mean I portray the image of “unappreciative family member”, I don’t have feelings. When y sickening siblings got into trouble or got reprimanded, I felt that lil prick in me. But do you show all this feelings out? Or I should say, “How do I show such feelings out?”

As the truth always hurt, how you expect me to tell the truth? If I say I’m going out, you’ll ask why. If I lied, I’ll be died when exposed. When you’re given 2 options, tell the truth and get an unexpected/undesirable reply and try your luck to glimpse through, what will you do?

I just want to let it all out now. But privacy is taken away from me, crying in my pillow can never happen. I feel real rotteny now. And I can’t seem to find someone appropriate to talk to. If I will to get anyone, they will jus console me saying things I know they will say, but it wouldn’t make me feel any better. Growing up means more burden in life. More responsibility!

This is the shit thing that everybody has to go thru and no one can avoid it. But I really make an effort to make a difference, despite stressing and being so tired, I drag myself to work so as to curb my own shopping relapse and also to stop getting money from u guys. Don’t you even realize that my savings are gone and since school starts, my allowance escalated the other direction? I know monetary stuff is the most hurting thing in any topic. So I avoided the topic, because of money I’m willing to skip school.

Hate to be alone; I accept the stupid job offer just for the sake of money. Money money money, must this world be so realistic? Small spark will become huge fire, and I create the spark. Can’t they just leave me alone and let me be? Can’t they just treat me the way some nice parents treat their kids? Can’t they just pamper me for once? Why must I have such sickening siblings that me deprive of such privilege? Why other parents can balance their partiality but not mine? Or am I asking too much?

Humans are never satisfied; short stories in my family can explain it all. Now I just want to get into an accident so that I can reformat myself, or maybe let me feel the real essentials of care and concern from my family. Why not I practice staying at home for the whole holidays except those days I really can’t. Should I make the difference a little more obvious? Should I have a talk with my parents? I feel like, but it’s not really necessary? The talk might take 2-3hrs but I guess it will be only 10-20% talking of mine. The rest will be bombarding from them and I hate it. Talking to them will either do or die.

I will love to have a better relationship with my family, a family without arguments and unhappiness. I just want to typical happy and worriless family, things that go all safely and smoothly. I will restructure this useless and self-centered person as soon as possible. Learn to care for others first then yourself should not have listen to sec sch teachers and my dad, they taught me to care for myself first. But these make me a super self-centered person. Sometimes people just din realize that they are contradicting themselves, but they just did.

ps: love yourself before loving others

every little things now simply piss me off! i just don't know why and what is the cause. i just don't like how other work things, have been working for months and yet still don't know a shit! this holiday did'nt much seems like a holiday, intended to gym n do PP. but until now,in no avail.

everyth seems to be in a mess and everything is bothering me. my brain is in a mess and i cant seem to sort things out! binge and starve are things i favour recently! i just cant control my stupid mood swing. i just hate things that are not going in the right/planned way. feelin fucking sinful and messed up!

ps: gettin someone alike is never easy, maybe it's impossible!

*disappointed*

girls in action (:

the zombie guys!

happy 20th birthday KK (:

well, had this celebration thingy for KK ytd, intended to go home. but it started so late that its my first time ton-ing at ECP! sound stupid but yea! i was kinda mono ytd, refuse to bike n play pool. but realli had fun lauffing! doing stupid stuff like crashin kk's face in the cake, burning/pulling off joel's leg hair, gossiping about ppl and shoping spree talk btw girls!

although was a pretty unprepared and last minute kinda stuff, but it came out good. and guess wad, we're 100% sci student! everyth that we do or say reminds use about BCC/FCC, ductility,brittle. even when we're so dead in the morning on he bus, we talk about grain size till strength n brittleness! well, i guess andy shud be real proud of us! hah-

talking about andy, i dreamt about andy n material science on friday nite! omg! kinda freaky! 2 consctv. nite of dreaming about my modules. first it's MCB and now it's MTS. wad's next! ahaha. maybe friday i'm heading to KL and on the 11-12 is confirmed expedition. this means i cant go batam! arrghh- ( there goes my shopping spree!)

my 1st shopping spree finally arrive! haha.. the org's got prob so i din receive mail, lucky i mail her! hohoh... means i'll get my clothes by this week!

ps: it's hols and this means start PP :(