Tell me more about them den… there might be books teaching you more about how to woo people or how to live a better life. But are there books to teach how to be a better child or books teaching how to understand parents /children? Am I in the right line? Or have I cross the line? This is stupid.
Why must there be a difference between parents and friends? Sound ironical but why can’t we treat parents as friends? Why can’t siblings understand each other? Why can’t people just enjoy their life and stay out of trouble? Why things are always not what we wanted? Why is everything all out of control?
I might sound angry and pissed. But I do feel guilty, regretful and sucky now! I know I treat my siblings as dirt. I know I don’t seem to show respect at home. But whenever I tried to make a difference it never seems to work out. All this feelings sucks and maybe I can’t be rewrite. So what if I make an effort? This year so far I have not felt like this. But I can’t help it this time round. I can’t seem to control my emotions. Look in the archives, when is the last time I feel remorseful? When is the time I feel so bad n that *special feeling resurfaced? Now.
Are parent’s reactions a sign of partiality? Do they feel happy when I’m reprimanded? Do they felt a sense of satisfaction when I feel rotten and when parents are on their sides? When I treat my siblings a little better no one notices but when I speak to them in a different manner, the world will notice. Everyone thinks that I treat my family members like shit. But do they really understand? Do they really know what the real situation is?
So what if I’ve given the “unappreciative family member” impression to others, it’s just the cover of the book. But did other even read pick the book up and read? Or will they judge and label? When people ask me why I treat my siblings like this, I can barely answer. Because what I explained will be rebutted. And it’s obvious that I lost in the conversation. But in some case, some stuff are not meant to be said, shared or even mentioned.
Everybody have their own set of written stories and it differs even though we’re all humans. Doesn’t mean I portray the image of “unappreciative family member”, I don’t have feelings. When y sickening siblings got into trouble or got reprimanded, I felt that lil prick in me. But do you show all this feelings out? Or I should say, “How do I show such feelings out?”
As the truth always hurt, how you expect me to tell the truth? If I say I’m going out, you’ll ask why. If I lied, I’ll be died when exposed. When you’re given 2 options, tell the truth and get an unexpected/undesirable reply and try your luck to glimpse through, what will you do?
I just want to let it all out now. But privacy is taken away from me, crying in my pillow can never happen. I feel real rotteny now. And I can’t seem to find someone appropriate to talk to. If I will to get anyone, they will jus console me saying things I know they will say, but it wouldn’t make me feel any better. Growing up means more burden in life. More responsibility!
This is the shit thing that everybody has to go thru and no one can avoid it. But I really make an effort to make a difference, despite stressing and being so tired, I drag myself to work so as to curb my own shopping relapse and also to stop getting money from u guys. Don’t you even realize that my savings are gone and since school starts, my allowance escalated the other direction? I know monetary stuff is the most hurting thing in any topic. So I avoided the topic, because of money I’m willing to skip school.
Hate to be alone; I accept the stupid job offer just for the sake of money. Money money money, must this world be so realistic? Small spark will become huge fire, and I create the spark. Can’t they just leave me alone and let me be? Can’t they just treat me the way some nice parents treat their kids? Can’t they just pamper me for once? Why must I have such sickening siblings that me deprive of such privilege? Why other parents can balance their partiality but not mine? Or am I asking too much?
Humans are never satisfied; short stories in my family can explain it all. Now I just want to get into an accident so that I can reformat myself, or maybe let me feel the real essentials of care and concern from my family. Why not I practice staying at home for the whole holidays except those days I really can’t. Should I make the difference a little more obvious? Should I have a talk with my parents? I feel like, but it’s not really necessary? The talk might take 2-3hrs but I guess it will be only 10-20% talking of mine. The rest will be bombarding from them and I hate it. Talking to them will either do or die.
I will love to have a better relationship with my family, a family without arguments and unhappiness. I just want to typical happy and worriless family, things that go all safely and smoothly. I will restructure this useless and self-centered person as soon as possible. Learn to care for others first then yourself should not have listen to sec sch teachers and my dad, they taught me to care for myself first. But these make me a super self-centered person. Sometimes people just din realize that they are contradicting themselves, but they just did.
ps: love yourself before loving others
